It Could Never Be Me.

I was sitting watching tv. Just your typical Saturday afternoon. I felt this sadness. This sadness was different. I felt disassociated with the world around me. I look back, and I didn't even notice my children playing around me. I was just in this weird bubble. All I kept thinking to myself was I can't do this anymore. I need this pain to end. That was when I started to think I didn't want to live anymore.

It was the scariest feeling ever because I always went through stages of depression. I can name the symptoms, but this was different. It was as if I were trapped in my mind; the world, right in front of me, did not exist. I did not hear anything except the voice speaking to me. That was the first time I felt suicidal ideation. I have been fighting that feeling since then.

I wanted to share this moment because, although I have always had waves of depression, I always said, "That could never be me." "I don't understand." Until I did. I never shared this with anyone, but I see the importance of just being kind to others. You do not know what people are going through. Yes, we can see when someone is physically not well, but emotionally, you just don't know. You do not know anyone's thoughts.

I hope this story can help someone out there. Ask for help. It takes a lot of strength to go through this alone. For those who don't understand, be there for people. Smile. Help someone out when you can. The world really needs it right now. Thank you for this space.

If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., please consider contacting a local mental health professional or emergency service.

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